apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My breasts were aching with rage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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