i can't believe i had my finger in that
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
