It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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