my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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