We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
