Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
