What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Panties = found
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.