Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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