honey bunches of taint.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
