I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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