insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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