So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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