Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
