I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
