I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
