Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
