dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
