I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
