I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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