And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
