she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
