I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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