Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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