Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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