I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
