I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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