i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
