My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
