I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize