it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
