I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
