I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
