i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
