YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
