i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
