ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
