Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
