forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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