hell yes lets make some ravioli
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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