do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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