I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
