I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
