Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
