I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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