so explain again why im purple
no
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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