Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
