I wish life had little blips of pornography
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
