super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
