be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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