FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
