He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
