I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
