Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Are my feet made of real feet?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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