There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
