the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.