I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.