just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
