its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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