I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis