How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
