I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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