I just saw a hot homeless man
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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