I wish my penis had an off switch
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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