I hate your face
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
