Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
