Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
