i just had sex bonerless
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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