Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
