Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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