i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
