I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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