he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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